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I used to be somebody..
I was just working on replacing a power supply on my office computer and crawling around under the desk reminded me of this idea: I used to be somebody!
I remembered buying this fancy desk for my office. I hardly allowed myself to spend $2000 on a desk but it was my big splurge, 14 years ago. I had a fancy office which I spent $100,000s building out. I was the CEO of a multi-million dollar corporation, which I had founded and built from scratch.
Now the business is still doing ok, but so much has changed. I moved into a more practical warehouse office, as that is what the businesses needed for our Ecommerce ventures. All the employees on my team back then are gone and I have an entirely new team. I still work hard, but mostly remotely and am only in the office once or twice a month. I let things go, now, that would have been the end of the world for me before. I spend most of my time helping children who come from difficult families and environments.
So, as I was crawling around under my desk, all my past hit me and I concluded that I used to be somebody!
Am I any less now?? No, actually the person I am now is more than before. But I FEEL like I am nobody now, when I see my fancy desk, which came with me through all the years. It is beautiful.. Metal inside with wood exterior and a glass top. It even has lights in the credenza part. I feel like nobody because I remembered those days year after year when I FELT like I was someone.
But now, I see that I was lying to myself back then. Trapped in the accolades and outward signs of success. I used to wear a fancy suit and tie everyday. Now I just wear jeans and something comfortable.
So I thought about this I am so much richer now because I have myself. Before I had sold myself to the world.. Whoever would give me the ‘atta-boy’ or $300/hr engineering rate I charged.
Now I have myself! And I don’t pimp myself out to anyone. I do what I choose on my terms for my reasons, and nobody has a claim to my life except me! I do what I value based on my rational decisions.
My mentor once told me that all we have in this life is ourselves and that if something goes wrong we only have ourselves to blame.
This is true. By accepting it, I am actually freer than ever before.
So, while I FELT like I was nobody for a moment while crawling under my desk, I now KNOW that I am myself. And that’s the greatest I can ever be!